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The Power of Mentoring

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The Power of Mentoring … Pages from the Diary of the Lotte Katz z”l Mentoring Program

Ariella is the middle child of seven children. She came to  Kav L’Noar at age 12 at the recommendation of her Jerusalem school.  She was sent to a dorm facility last year because her home situation bordered on neglect. Her father is physically ill and her mother is unable to shoulder all of the burden. Their youngest child has PDD. The family is destitute. Kav L’Noar recommends a mentoring relationship for Ariella.

June 2014 – At the Mentor match, Mom was very proud to share that she puts full faith in Ariella to do only the ‘right’ things. She feels that Ariella can be responsible for herself. Ariella is very insecure because she is not getting any guidance or clear boundaries from her parents.

July 2014 – Ariella took an immediate liking to her mentor, Rachel. She began to share some of her negative experiences in the dorm. Rachel has already provided a safe space for Ariella to express some of her painful past.

August 2014 – Ariella meets with Rachel regularly. She shares her current challenges in developing friendships and her feelings about Mom not having time for her. Ariella wants to use money from their budget to bus herself to the mentor’s house. Rachel interacts with Ariella as a friend so that she can experientially learn how to be one. She listens to Ariella’s woes about Mom and validates those feelings. The relationship has not reached the stage for problem-solving yet. Rachel gently but firmly rejects the use of money for busing as Ariella can easily walk to her house. Boundaries are set that are clear.

September 2014 – Ariella is actively working on building friendships and is discussing the details with Rachel. Ariella shares her fears of being controlled by a friend. Rachel notes that Ariella seems to be the one who is controlling. Rachel sees this behavior in their own relationship and will put this on the table when the behavior arises again. Modeling healthy friendship will be key here.

Ariella has also shared her dilemma about going to her Savta for Shabbat. Savta is very critical of her. Rachel helps Ariella with validating feelings and at this stage also is able to work with Ariella in some decision-making process.

October 2014 – Kav L’Noar’s Intake Therapist calls Mom who reports that Ariella has shown improvement in school and at home both socially and behaviorally.

November 2014 – Ariella has shown a lot of consideration towards Rachel. Rachel will compliment this behavior which is a key to healthy friendships so that Ariella will own the value and repeat the behavior.

Ariella turns to Rachel to make decisions. Ariella’s insecurities will still not allow her to make her own decisions. Rachel will go through decision-making steps with her, always giving Ariella the power to decide on her own.

December 2014 – Ariella tends to punish herself because of her frequent bad moods. She started to call Rachel when she is upset so that she can make more rational decisions. Ariella has decided to go on her school trip! The mentoring relationship has enabled Ariella to make her own decisions. Her self confidence is building. This is apparent within their relationship as Ariella and Rachel can make decisions as equals!

Ariella has started sharing about her father’s illness. She is very anxious about there being a genetic component. She shares that he also suffers from depression. Rachel will do some research on the illness to help reduce Ariella’s anxiety which is exacerbated by her lack of information. They will also work together on promoting mental health which Ariella has unwittingly been doing throughout this relationship![/vc_column_text][vc_facebook][/vc_column][/vc_row]

#parenting #mentoring #socialanxiety #Israel #youthatrisk #family

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