Identifying as a victim
When Meira was eight, her father walked out of the family home one night without warning and never returned. He started a new life with a new partner, and broke off all contact with the family. Her mother tried her best to be both mother and father to her children, however Meira struggled.
Everybody around the family was sympathetic and tried to be supportive. “What do you expect?” people would say when Meira would get into trouble in school or lash out at her friends. Little Meira took this to heart. As a result, she felt that her behavior wasn’t her fault. Her father had left her. There was nothing she could do. She was the victim.
Meira was unwilling to try and find better options for herself.
As Meira grew up, it seemed like she could never catch a break. Her grades were always poor. She was unpopular, and when her classmates threw parties, she would usually be left out. She was convinced that her mother favored her older sister, and would compare everything obsessively as evidence to support her resentment. The more difficulties she experienced, the more convinced Meira became that the world was against her and that nothing she did made a difference.
It became a cycle. As she emerged into young adulthood, Meira’s despair propelled her into situations that could only ever end badly. She started getting sucked into relationships with men who took advantage of her and treated her with contempt. She spent almost a year working under the table for a manipulative employer who paid below the minimum wage. Eventually his business folded and she was let go. Meira would take these setbacks as even more proof that she was a victim who had been singled out for rejection and failure. Always assuming that nothing good would ever happen to her, she was unwilling to try and find better options for herself.
Turning to Kav L’Noar for some professional help
Things finally came to a head when Meira was working in a store and kept shouting at the customers. She had a kind supervisor who wanted to give her a chance and who tried to help Meira get a hold of herself. The supervisor suggested that Meira turn to Kav L’Noar for some professional help.
Meira spent her first sessions with her Kav L’Noar therapist talking about everything bad that had ever happened to her. She explained how trapped she felt, how powerless. When it came to describing her job at the store, Meira happened to mention how the store’s music soundtrack drove her crazy. The therapist asked her if she’d ever requested a change in the playlist. Meira said that it had never occurred to her that she could do that. The therapist said, “Why not? You’re spending hours in that store, you’re entitled to ask. And if your manager says no, at least you tried!”
Casting off the role of the victim.
Sure enough, Meira got the music changed. It was the first time that Meira had considered that she had the power to change her own situation. Of course, not many of her problems had as simple a solution as changing a playlist. Meira needed therapy to help her come to terms with the things that had happened to her. In addition, the therapist also worked with Meira to help her cast off the role of the victim.
Victimhood had been so dominant for so many years, causing so much damage. With the help of her therapist she started moving in a more positive direction. She helped her to look back at her past in a different way, acknowledging the painful parts but also the good parts where things had gone well. Meira learned to give herself credit for these successes. The therapist also helped her look at her current reality with a fresh perspective, identifying sources of strength and hope alongside everything else.
Helping someone like Meira would never be quick or simple. Above all, she had started the process and was finally beginning to believe that she could make a happy and fulfilled life for herself one day.
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*All names and identifying details have been changed to protect client confidentiality.