Chaim’s Journal is based on Chaim’s responses in his sessions with Moshe, his Kav L’Noar school group mentor.
October 19th 2018
Hi, Good morning,
My name is Chaim Cohen (Not really, but it isn’t nice to share my journal without introducing myself )
School’s been rough!!! Don’t get me wrong, I’m a pretty good student, maybe not the best in the class but I think I might be in the top 5. Except for civics, can’t stand that subject.
In any case, as I mentioned, my grades are fine, it’s the friends that are an issue. I have a bunch of friends too but I can tell it isn’t real. They smile at my jokes and pretend to like me but that’s about it. My teachers and my parents don’t even know how bad it is. They keep telling me I’m paranoid, that I need to let things go. My sister said I was ‘over-sensitive.’ They don’t understand how things stick, that even one whatsapp can just go round and round my head all day and all night.
The other day, Yossi, from my class, told me to get out of his face and I should take my stupid jokes with me. It was in front of everyone. Guys in the class get annoyed with me sometimes but this was beyond humiliating. I don’t want to go back to school today. I don’t see how I can ever show my face in school again. I’ve said it before but this time I’m for real. I’m not going back for at least a week.
February 5, 2019
It’s me again. I didn’t feel comfortable telling you that I’ve been going to a group for kids with issues. It’s so embarrassing. I don’t know why my parents and teacher chose me out of the whole class. Moshe, (he’s the group leader) claims that everyone needs a group like this. Even the kids that seem fine and don’t have any issues need it. Everyone has something. I don’t know if I believe him. I can see that some of my friends don’t have any problems. And neither do I. Maybe a little sometimes but it’s not like I need to be in a group with a bunch of losers. I’m fine… I think….
The reason I’m bringing this up is because of my last conversation with Moshe. We had another chat this week. I finally had the courage to tell him how my so-called friends treat me. I even told him about how I feel about my father telling me how disappointed in me he is. He didn’t even say much. Weird how that helps. He claims that I’m an amazing guy and in good time, my friends will see that too. I don’t believe him. I think he is just saying that to make me feel better. Funny thing is, it kinda worked.
March 23, 2019
Purim party was last night. It was so much fun. Yossi and Elchanan got a bit drunk (don’t tell anyone, they’ll kill me if they knew I told someone). They were saying so much nonsense. A few months ago, it would have really stressed me out. Yossi can be nasty even when he’s not drinking, and I would have kept a safe distance from him at a party like this. Sooner or later he would have found an opportunity to humiliate me yet again in front of everyone. Last year I didn’t even go to the Purim party because I knew I would regret it for like the rest of my life. Not this year- Yossi is my friend now. He still makes fun of my jokes but I don’t get insulted that way I used to. I think he’s just nicer than he used to be but Moshe claims that it’s because I know how to handle it better. I don’t think I believe him, I don’t know, maybe…