Question :
Over the past number of years there have been cases of Rabbis, Teachers or people in respected positions who have been accused or convicted of sexual molestation. How do you respond to your children about this?
Answer:
This question was answered by Dr. David Pelcowitz at a Panel Discussion: How to Respond to Your Teenager about Religious Hypocrisy. Recorded as part of the Parenting Your Teen & Pre-Teen workshop in Paramus, NJ on November 19, 2011.
The reality is that at times there are teachers and others who abuse children.
The key is to use it as a teachable moment.
Parents need to be honest with their children about the possibility of abuse. Parents need to be able to talk to their children without frightening them about how to handle it if anybody does something to them and tells them to keep it a secret, or makes them feel uncomfortable. These types of honest conversations with our children often give them a script that they can follow which can lead to stopping the abuse at the beginning.
Anytime we hear about abuse from members of the leaders of our community we should grab on to it as a teachable moment.
It gives us a chance to tell our children
1. Abuse can come from anywhere
2. Most teachers, rabbis,community leaders are not going to do it
3. Anyone who touches you or treats you in a way that feels inappropriate- the first person you should come to talk to about is me ( the parent)
for more information come to Kav L’Noar’s 8th annual conference promoting healthy family relationships- CONFRONTING ABUSE IN OUR COMMUNITY
January 22,2012 Ramada Hotel, Jerusalem. Register and sign up for follow up workshops
http://www.kavlnoar.org/
Kav L’Noar also recommends watching the following video – which can be seen at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?
or
http://www.yideotube.com/
Previous Questions :
Question:
Are there warning signs that my child may be in trouble and need extra help?
Answer:
A child exhibiting any of the following behaviors may be an indication that outside help is needed. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but rather some of the most common indicators that something serious requires your attention.
1. School failure, avoidance or refusal.
2. Tearfulness or frequent crying.
3. Irritability, hostility or violence.
4. Defiance of any authority.
5. Changes in eating or sleeping habits.
6. Fatigue – lack of energy.
7. Withdrawal from friends or family.
8. Secretive – lies about activities.
9. Lack of motivation or enthusiasm.
10. Change in peer group.
11. Drug or alcohol use.
12. Inappropriate sexual behavior.
13. Self-injury – cutting.
14. Significant weight change.
15. Suicidal references or threats.
The first step in addressing these or other issues is always an open discussion with your child. When that is not possible, or the child’s issues are too severe, professional consultation is advised. Don’t wait, hoping that “this phase will pass.” When difficulties are addressed in the early stages, solutions are more quickly and easily found.
