Article > Should Parents Advocate for their Child
Should Parents Advocate for their Child
Ronald Wachtel, PhD
I have often wondered why so many parents, after enrolling their children
in school, often assume the attitude that the teachers and school administration
will do whatever is best to provide an optimum learning environment
for them. Perhaps this is a carryover from the European attitude that
held the educator in high esteem, someone whose knowledge and training
was to be respected and not questioned. How many of us remember our
parents and grandparents sharing stories about ‘how the teacher was
always right’ and whose authority was never to be challenged!
Many caring and responsible parents define their role to include: making
certain that their child does his/her homework, asking to see test papers
when they are returned, attending PTA meetings when they are scheduled,
and participating in special school events in which their child is involved,
e.g. plays, sporting events etc. All of these activities and others
are viewed by many as the parameters of their role as parents. Since
they are either paying tuition to the school or taxes to the municipality,
parents believe that their child will be provided with all of the opportunities
and supports to succeed therein…………not.
During 30 plus years of working with adolescents, both in and
out of school, I have often wondered why some parents, who clearly
want the best for their children and who view themselves as responsible
caretakers, do not recognize the need to be more proactive with their
child’s teachers and school personnel. Is it denial and an unwillingness
to recognize the many telltale signs that should normally alert a parent
to some issue or problem that allows a parent to going about their business
as usual? While all of us as parents want to think the best of
our children and not attach undue importance to a lower-than-usual mark
or a change in behavior, there are times when we have to confront a
situation head-on and not look the other way.
It is each of our responsibilities, I believe, to confront changes
in our child’s performance or behavior and evaluate whether it warrants
some level of concern. A phone call to a teacher who assigned a lower
mark is fully justified if the parent feels that something is amiss.
While there may really not be any justified reason for concern, the
mere fact that the parent took the time to call leaves an impression
in the mind of the teacher and helps to build a partnership relationship
with the school. If one’s child chooses to stay in their room rather
than going out with friends, it might be a reflection of some social
issue that could be addressed more effectively by calling same to the
attention of the yoetzet who might invite the child to their
office for an informal chat.
My major pitch to parents is to participate as fully as possible in
the process of their child’s education which includes actively partnering
with the school’s staff as an advocate for their child. Remember,
the earlier one confronts any given issue, the more optimistic one can
be that he or she will be successful overcoming the hurdle. While I
clearly understand the anxiety that attaches itself to communicating
with school personnel, I strongly encourage parents to make the effort.
I feel fully confident that if parents present their concerns in a respectful
manner, one which is not accusatory or which puts the listener on the
defensive, the response will be one that conveys a commitment
to be helpful. The expected outcome will hopefully more than offset
this challenge and reap tremendous benefits for the child as they mature
into young adulthood.
Dr. Wachtel is founding
Director of Kav L’Noar, an organization located in Jerusalem dedicated
to helping English-speaking families with teens at risk. For more information,
please call 054-300-7431.